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Mansoor Adayfi
Former Detainee at Guantánamo.

"DeSantis claims there is no way I would remember him being there during my torture way back in 2006. But what he doesn't realize is that during my torture he was the only officer wearing those sparkling white, knee-high boots that he loves so much. How could I forget those shiny white boots over his jeans?!"

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Barry Wilkinson
Childhood Friend

"When he laughs does it still look like he's trying to take a bite of steak that's too big for his mouth? Because that was the only reason we kept him around. Other than that, he had nothing to offer."

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Strip Mall Buffet
Mac and Cheese

"After years of hearing the phrase, Strip Mall Buffet Mac and Cheese has more personality than Ron DeSantis, I'm happy to report that I am now represented by CAA."

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